i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
