Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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