Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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