So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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