think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
