There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
