So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
