I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
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The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
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So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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