Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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