U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I want to be your penis for a week.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
