Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
