I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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