hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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