i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
