Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
