When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
