Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
