i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Best friends brother. Beat that.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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