Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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