i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Randomize
