shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
