he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
