found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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