did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
