My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
