Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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