I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
