also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
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Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
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When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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