my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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