I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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