Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
