yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
