i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
