Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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