Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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