After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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