wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Of course I have a pirate flag
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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