i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
