i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
