Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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