Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
