between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
