omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
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she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
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I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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