Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
