she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
