She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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