I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
