wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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