I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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