Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
