We named our party play list daddy issues
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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