don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I need a burrito and a hug.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
