Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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