Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
