i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
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That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
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I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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