first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
