When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
