Apparently you make a good broom.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
