lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
