All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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