Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
