Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
