I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Randomize
