I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize