FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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