he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
