Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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