I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
